Firstly, Sorry for what ever written, not to blame you or bring you down. I got your messages, I am not in home, I didnt have a good signal to get those messages instantly. Forget it.

Its never hard to take decisions in life, 

it feels hard because we are afraid of the outcomes which are unknown, familiarity is the trauma response Fear pushes us to.

Now,

Atlanta!

We asked God,

"God! He needs a good life, a Job, 

in different state!

in a different state."

When God answers every part of our prayer, 

now we say, I need an angel to come and take decisions for me.

Is God a Joke to you?

I am sorry but, I know when you asked me also to pray for the same. I did. You said You will take it as Gods mandate to be in his life or not. Now we need an angel?

Secondly,

If you move to atlanta, you have relatives over there who will visit you. Are you sure to launch your relationship with them and your parents?

Thirdly,

Your parents will come, surely you have to do something for that.

Fourthly,

Marriage, will be the next fast move he or your parents will make. Are you ready for that? You told me many a times the way he treats your parents verbally, are you okay when they visit you? They deserve respect Z! (even when they are not around, you told me you need your family! think about that as well)

Fifthly,

Who said you cannot be independent? 

You yourself? 

You were the one who managed things from quite a years on your own just in shadow or validation or support of a person.

Even a friend will do the same.

Sixthly,

What if Northshore asks you to come back to wfo they will ask for sure what will you do? leave the job and financially depend on K until you find a new Job?,

 staying and working from northshore with colleagues around you will shape you better, heal you better, you will grow bigger than you can ever dream of.

Seventlhy,

You can move to new york to your friends community, Say openly to K that I want to take sometime for myself and stay with old or new friends, its absolutely ok. and you can do it.

Eithly,

Get Visas (10days 750$) to your parents and bring them in next few months, spend time with them. You have gone through a lot last year, you need some love and physical aura of your parents.

Ninenthly,

You can be independent, you have to take your decisions, you lead your life, you earn your respect, you do what you love.

Tenthly,

If you cannot take a decision for yourself today, how are you going to take decisions for your future husband and your own kids and next generations?

Eleventh,

Whats making you think desam kani desam anni sarlu, ade desam kani desam lo you did a lot, you lived a lot, a lot, a lot. 

ide desam kani desam lo, once up on a time your own indian was a threat to you, not an outsider. Threat can be anywhere Zainab.

Dont let fear eat you, 

you are not in syria or north korea or palestine or afganisthan or pakisthan or Iran or Israel, you are in bloody America.

navvu ratleda, enduk bhayapadtunnav asalu nak ardam katle

I am really sorry but Atlanta now is a biggest blunder. 

Twelth,

Keep your career independent of all these, Go to office. Period. Go to Office.  

Sit and think about it.

you never want dependence

dont defeat yourself

Independence/Freedom is not given, its taken antaru. 

You are taking dependence which is bullshit, Nuv Zainab ee na ani nak doubt ostundi apud apud.

Chala Chala instable unnai ne thoughts, actions, matalu anni. No Zainab

No

Nen chanipothe aina maratava ani adiga

upsc crack chesinatha happy feel auta anna

Its never too late, but more late you do, you ask someone else to decide for you.

Tell that I want to go to NH with all strength you have. I will draft a letter which you can you if needed down below.

You can start from scratch. You can and You will.

You never disappointed me, 

in all this process you are disappointing yourself, ninnu nuv mosam cheskuntunnav

I call you dear comrade because,

you always run away from standing up for yourself 

and I like a bobby, 

try to tell that you and bring you back for you to stand for youself, 

I will stand with you Zainab, not telling filmy dialogues. But

I am very serious of my aspirations and more, 

I will stand with you. I promised you that i will be your spiderman, and you promised me a lot. I am not blaming you for that but, 

please give this one chance to stay independent, you will never regret.

You were fighting with me for that if you remember that You need to be independent for few time.

I may not be there tomorrow or today, but surely one day, I am manifesting a best college and career in the US and I am preparing for the same.

If you want an immediate help, I can ask any of my frnds to see you, Divi will help you in all ways she could, 

You have Sindhu, You have Preethi, you have your fathers friend son.

Its not bad or so to take help from them when you need a little, you are not depending on them, you just take help from them.

Partners break you when you depend on them, Friends build you when you need them.

Please come out of the loop that you are happy.

Yes you are happy, but this is not what you wanted.

You wanted to be alone for sometime

You wanted to visit India and temples

You wanted to make your parents proud

I feel Atlanta will be a wrong decision, without anyone you know not around you except your family.

This decision will take your life to extremes,

A Hard launch of him to your family, convincing them about your next and all, I am very sure you have to convince yourself first.

I dont know what answer would you give to your parents for atlanta. Again abadham?

You can tell K, that I told my parents and they asked me to go to NH, I hope your father had a friend there, take help from him.

You need any help from me, ready to even give my life.

We asked God this, very spiritually

very deeply

I even cried on few days of deeksha

and finally when God opens the Doors

You are telling I cant do things myself.

If you say you cannot be independent, cant live, cant take decisions, 

You are far stronger than you believe.

GOD says - YOU CAN

Human in you is telling - I CAN'T

I wish you listen to GOD, not wait for angels,

First we said I am waiting for Gods will, now we say angels, next what?

This is what is called Loop and PTSD, I was talking about always.

I only wish Good and best for you,

and I Feel NH is best for you and your future, the university, culture, community, everything goes good and you will surely have outstanding career with the new set of outstanding people you meet there, even dz looks small for you when you meet few people.

If I were you, I cannot even face God, if I go against his will after he doing things which i asked for.

If your decision is Atlanta, please let me know, I will stop praying to God anymore for anything even for me, I cant face him. He don't deserve me.

Sorry to say but, yeah. You will not understand this now, you will understand it after few years what I am trying to say.

Kastam aina Nijam meeda nilabade bandhalu with parents or with partners or with friends, with anyone,

rock solid ga untai. Ennallu parigedtav?

Ennallu dastav? inka ennallu chinapuillalaga bhayapdatu, parigedtu, how many more days?

You are an Adult, Remember that.

You are an adult.

Make count of yourself.

You are not a drop in the ocean,

you are an ocean in the drop

If a part of you say to go to atlanta and other part asks God to decide what is best for you i.e., another outcome to go to NH, 

You have to choose God.

You will never regret this decision, 

ever,

ever.

it will be hard in starting few days Zainab, anthe tarwata denika intha bhayapadda anukuntav. 

Enduk undalenu anukuntunnav asalu? 

Nuvvena nak cheppindi Bhayapadaku Chuskundam ani!?

Don't let fear make decisions.

I know a women you said she is taking a decision for herself one day, don't dissapoint her - I remember the date is 13th April where I wrote what it is about - 

here

Okkasari aina nekosam alochinchu Zainab 😭

Nuv nannu dooram petti depending on K being selfish anukuntunnav. 

You are not being selfish you are betraying yourself and your real version, and finally you.

Nek people meda kopam ostundi or arustunnav ante you are finally regretting the decisions you took in life, you feel chala exhausted being with them, this is trauma recovery. You are finally healing a lot, please dont go back to that place. Please.

Physical proximity ki anni doors open ayyai, I begged God for this.

11 days deeksha chesam denikosam, nake chala shocking ga undi, how the prayers are getting answered ani.

Please think calm and composedly.

I will beg God like hell for this, 

He listens to me 

I know him

He found me, I never found him

I know he will take stand for me.

I want you to fight for yourself,

live for yourself

and then help others also to overcome all what you have seen in life.

That is what being meaningful in life.

Konni late avvocchu,

pelli pillalu late avocchu

but manchiga autai

You already know what is takes if God blesses you.

Did you ever imagined or did I, that we will end up here today?

No.

Believe in GOD and his plans for you. 

One Decision, different Life.

Ne prashnalu Neeve, evvaro badulivvaruga

Nee chikkulu neeve, evvaro vidipincharu ga

Ne jeevitham neede, nuvve nilabadali nekosam.

More you say I cannot live alone do things alone, its not you speaking, its the fear in you speaking.

Dont let the fear destroy you.

One message to him -  I will go to NH, help me. anthe see how different your life will go. 

You will see the taste of Peace

Shaanti choostav Zainab.

Ykw even K will have Peace without you, he will find himself, he is overshadowing himself with the romantic obsession with you.

You both are in trauma bond, which gives restlessness for both of you, 

he is a bachelor with you.

You are alone with him.

Sorry but

Be selfish atleast this time

We had guilt for what has happened to him due to few events, 

now when its slowly going and things are better,

Fear has took its place.

Dont let it

One message to him that I want to do work from office.

different story from there.

Me intlo vankalu cheppalsina paniledu

evvarki em cheppalsina pani led

nek kooda nuv nijam chepkovachu

alochinchu

baga

you are not abandoning him by doing this

you are freeing him from you

iddaru stokholm (trauma bond) lo unnaru

me decisions chala effect chestai ee scenarios lo teskunte

you are in loop while also to take decisions, break the loop before it eats you.